The sun was starting to set, but we were still outside enjoying the dying daylight. It was a lazy Sunday in the heat of the summer and there was a church family gathering at a friend’s house. Altogether, there were five families with two kids each, so the backyard was rowdy to say the least. Our parents were all inside talking and our juvenile minds couldn’t fathom sitting down to talk for 30 minutes straight. We had energy and were determined to use it until being herded back inside for dinner.
We played tag, basketball and threw around a football, but we were still unsatisfied. Bored out of our minds, I suggested a game. I called it the who-can-kick-their-shoe- the-furthest game, and somehow everyone was on board with my idea. About five minutes of rampant shoe-kicking passed, until one fateful kick of mine.
The bright pink comet that was my shoe went straight up, but to my horror, only came halfway down. It landed on the chimney which was barely too tall for our typical Asian statures to reach.
Thankfully, we could still see where it was and thought of crazy ideas of how to get it down. After reaching for it, piggyback riding each other and even getting a rake, nothing good came from our efforts. I was stuck hopping around on one foot while my shoe was still stuck on that chimney ledge.
Panic ran through the air as we desperately tried to get the shoe back to me without drawing any attention from the adults inside. So a plan was hatched: we would split and half of us were assigned to run to the garage and get a ladder while the others stayed behind to keep watch. We were in too deep now and there was no going back. Quickly and quietly, our plan came to fruition as the tallest among us took turns to swipe at the stubborn shoe from an impossible height.
Fifteen agonizing minutes later, everyone was tired but had both shoes on their feet. Thankfully, our timing was perfect and dinner was ready right as the ladder was put back. So we filed back in with tight smiles to make sure the adults knew everything was alright. The night went on and as our stomachs filled, I thought of my right shoe, it’s bright visage now clouded by soot, but still burning with a story to tell.
Reflection:
This was one of my favorite stories from childhood, so I was really excited to share it in the form of writing. I had a lot of ideas lined up for this story because I really like sharing stories since I think that’s how people connect and learn from each other. Most of the anecdotes I had thought of were very embarrassing for me, but looking back on most of them, they were really funny. This was one example of that and I’m super proud of this piece of writing because it really just showcases me and who I was, and thus who I am today.
Kacy Tam - College Writing 
As I was reading the story, I could sense the strong structure and organization. Your voice was heard very clearly throughout and it almost felt like I could hear you reading the story out to me. One part I really liked was how you started the story. It flowed naturally, describing the background information on where you were and who was there. One thing that I think you can improve on is maybe adding more descriptive aspects to certain parts. For example, maybe you could have described the scene of trying to get the shoe back down with more action verbs and sense of panic. Overall, the word choice was not difficult to follow along and its very well played out for everyone to understand. Great job!
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This was an interesting read! I really like your introduction where you described the setting and your essay is also well organized. However, I think you can add more details in describing the climax. You also used a variety of literary devices to create vivid descriptions that helped me to visualize what was happening but you also managed to maintain a good flow for your plot. Good job!
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